


It Was Awesome

by maq_moon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Espionage, F/M, I swear, Like a lot of espionage, Sabotage, These two are dorks, Truth or Dare, i am such trash for this ship, not crack, rey is taking none of kylo's shit, the author wishes she had more regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maq_moon/pseuds/maq_moon
Summary: Rey and dozens of others are charged with an important task: sabotage the First Order's newest superweapon while it's being constructed.
When Rey finds out that Kylo Ren is on his way, she must get her fellow Resistance saboteurs off-planet in a race against time while also maintaining a secret identity and fighting her troublesome new co-worker.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I wanted to write like 5 pages of "Matt the Radar Technician" crack. Instead I wrote 50 pages of espionage, relationship building, and srs bsns.
> 
> Spot the references to "Heathers", "Bad Lip Reading", and some other silly things if you can!

"A truth... What's your fondest memory?" Rey asked one of her fellow techies.

She was undercover- deep undercover- on Starkiller Mark II during its construction. Her mission was to sabotage as many things as possible in order to delay construction. Anyone who caught her would be summarily "told" that Rey was in fact fixing the problem and that they should eliminate any traces of a problem having existed. She found that she liked the Mind Trick. It wasn't violent or invasive. It didn't hurt the person being persuaded. There was no fighting. It was harmless, really. And it was buying the Resistance time while her fellow saboteurs gathered specifications and blueprints. It was early enough that security cameras had yet to be installed, so the innocent guards couldn't be punished. Win-win-win.

Rey had initially been wary. What if _he_ should be aboard the base? He would certainly feel her presence, feel her using the Force. Fortunately, all intel pointed to him being halfway across the galaxy, no doubt hunting Master Luke or burning more innocent villages. She frowned and pushed away the memories. _Focus on the now_ , she told herself. Remembering to touch up the blonde dye on her roots and eyebrows, put in gray contacts, and affect the accent of someone from Naboo every day was easy enough, but she had to change her personality. She was Mirerea Strekt from Dee'ja Peak, a farm girl who knew her parents, had two brothers, and never went hungry. But when she went to sleep every night, before meditation, she would remember the tally marks on the inside of the AT-AT and the thick texture of the bread a measly quarter portion from Unkar Plutt yielded.

"Roo?" She asked, giggling as she waved her hand in front of the powder blue Twi'lek girl's face. "You said 'truth', and I think that was a pretty easy one. Fondest memory. Go!"

Roo sat up straight, eyes glassy. "I had sex with Kylo Ren. It was awesome."

The group burst out laughing. "Lies!" someone exclaimed.

"I had sex with Kylo Ren. It was awesome," Roo repeated like a broken holo. Rey immediately knew what had happened. She was a master at the Mind Trick now; she could identify its symptoms. Either A) Roo had never slept with Kylo Ren and he was trying to give himself a reputation, or B) Roo had slept with Kylo Ren and it was terrible, so he _instructed_ her to think it was "awesome".

Everyone laughed again save Rey, who looked into her co-worker's eyes. "You will forget any lie Kylo Ren told you about having sex with him," she said quietly enough that no one else could hear. Roo's eyes remained glassy. Apparently she wasn't able to un-trick his trick.

"And what are you girls whispering about? Asking dear Roo for details, are you, Mir?" Lanwin, a handsome Corellian who reminded Rey a bit of Poe, asked, face red from laughing.

"Stuff it, Lanwin," Rey snapped. "Can't you see she looks sick?"

"I would be too if I slept with Kylo Ren," Tobits, the most grizzled of their team, interjected.

"C'mon, he might be a looker under the mask," said Cariemer, a former cantina dancer from Mos Eisley, and the most skilled welder in the group.

"Or his face could have crazy scars," Rey countered. _Scars that I gave him. I hope they still hurt._

Lanwin put his arm around Rey. "Mir, you protest just a tad too much. Besides, I don't think it's particularly wise to badmouth him."

"Why? It's not like he's here."

"Yeah, but he has that weird power. He can pull thoughts right from your head."

Rey shuddered, remembering. "Yeah. Yeah. Let's get Roo to bed. Tonight's Truth or Dare is hereby declared over." She and Cariemer dragged the unresponsive girl to her bunk room.

As she lay beneath her blankets, a few thoughts ran through her head. No one she had ever used the Mind Trick on had gone catatonic like that. How strongly had Kylo Ren pressed that into Roo's head? And what was with Lanwin bringing up Kylo Ren's ability to painfully rip memories and feelings from the mind? Had he experienced it? Rey didn't think so; he wouldn't have mentioned the power in such an off-handed way. Cariemer was a bit of a flirt, but it was a stretch for her to imply that he might be good-looking. She'd never said anything positive about him before. She'd never said anything about him at all.

Rey's thoughts drifted, as they always did, to bread that felt like paste and an endless wall of tally marks. She sighed, put the images from her mind, and began to meditate.

=====

0600

Eyes: Check.

Hair and Eyebrows: Check.

Rey did a few jumping jacks to get her muscles loose and plastered a fake smile on her face.

Mirerea Strekt was ready for the day.

0630

She paced herself eating food she thought was delicious but everyone else complained was bland. She tossed back two cups of caf and warily eyed Roo, who seemed to have recovered.

She sent a cursory glance at a fellow saboteur, looking for anything odd in his demeanor. Nothing. She dreaded the day that a scripted and oft-rehearsed conversation might have to take place.

The Resistance's infiltrators on the base had been carefully selected. They were cool under pressure. They had good memories. Importantly, no two people had met before the mission began. This ensured that, should Kylo Ren actually show up, a person's memories couldn't be used against the rest of the on-board Resistance crew. None of the saboteurs knew each other's real names. All of their names and origin stories had a deeper meaning that would be known only to an ally. They had trained for weeks to not respond to their birth names or nicknames. They had all been given stock images on holos to memorize as the faces of their faux families. They memorized hundreds of possible conversations designed to convey secret messages. Two days before they departed for their various drop points, the group of saboteurs gathered en masse in order to see the faces of their comrades. They learned an innocuous greeting and were sent on their way with a parting wish of luck from their commanders and a reminder- This mission was not about glory; this mission was about _time_.    

0700

Sabotage.

Every member of the team had a specialty. Rey's was wiring. She was assigned somewhere seemingly inconsequential, but nothing here was unimportant. The more she could set back completion- even by minutes- the better.

Ducking beneath a console, she began to gingerly pull red and yellow wires from their places, ignoring the guard. _Now to switch this red with that yellow- Oh! I'll put a white one there... And now to strip these two..._

"Care to try her out?" Rey asked the guard. If he hit the wrong thing, he'd get a little shock- nothing painful, something akin to the brush of fingers when they exchange of static electricity.

"I'm not a tech savvy guy," the guard said, half-smiling. "Thanks, though."

Well, that put her on the spot. She had to press a few buttons or look suspicious. Shrugging, she turned on a side holo screen that she knew would be full of static.

She forced a laugh, and the guard laughed with her. "Guess I have more to do than I thought."

Rey slid back under the console and began pulling wires indiscriminately. She stayed beneath for hours, occasionally grunting or smacking tools around to keep up the pretense of work. Reaching out with her feelings, she sensed that the guard was restless and eager for his shift to end.

She grabbed her tools and threw them in her bag, came out from beneath the console, and approached the guard.

"Done?" he asked.

"I finished on time. You tested the console controls. Everything worked perfectly."

"You finished on time. I tested the controls. Everything worked perfectly."

"Great!" Rey smiled. "Lunch time?"

1300

Lunch with the team.

There were five of them on the squad. There were five on every squad. Wiring, welding, programming, and fabricating were her group's primary skills. Cariemer claimed to have escaped Tatooine by holding a blowtorch to the throat of a freighter captain. Squat, gray-haired Tobits had been fabricating since before the fall of the Empire. He had little to say, but when he did speak his words were usually sarcastic, wise, or a bit of both. Roo had taken a quick liking to him. The Twi'lek had been hired on her own fabricating merits, but she had increased in skill immensely under Tobits's keen eye. Lanwin was something of a prodigy in programming. After he had been caught hacking into a high-security First Order database, he had talked his way out of a death sentence and into a job by offering protections from other people with his skills. Of her four fellows, Rey initially felt a kinship with Tobits and Lanwin. She enjoyed the company of the former because he was quiet and didn't ask questions. She thought that, more than once, she heard him snort quietly behind people spitting First Order propaganda. Lanwin was easy with his smiles and laughs and, frankly, easy to look at. Deep-set jade-green eyes with long lashes, dark hair that never sat quite right, a classical nose... Yes, Rey could certainly handle working with Lanwin. If only he would shut up every now and then. Roo was shy and saccharinely sweet, and Cariemer was outspoken and spunky. Rey had never met anyone like her before and thought her odd.

Her co-workers were chatting amiably as she entered the mess hall. Roo was flushed, and from afar Rey could see Lanwin mouthing the word _awesome!_ A sense of dread filled her and she rushed to the table, smacking him in the back of the head.

"Ow! What's that for?" he exclaimed.

"Making Roo blush," Rey replied. "Be nice."

"I think you owe my head a kiss, Mir."

"I think you should count yourself lucky that I don't smack you again for that one." Rey opened her tray of fare to the sound of Tobits laughing.

She sensed the first twinge of fear from afar, not knowing what caused it, but knowing that it was sheer panic. The twinge turned into a pulse, the pulse into a beat, the beat into a hum. She tried to feel its cause, closing her eyes. A name branded itself upon her consciousness. _Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is coming_.

Kriff. He would be able to sense her immediately. He would be able to sense all of them immediately. He would rip the location of every base out of her compatriots' heads until they were bloody from the strain. The mission had to end. She had to get the word out. She had to get them to safety.  

"Kylo Ren is coming," she whispered unconsciously.

"I thought you were on my side, Mirerea!" Roo pouted.

"What? About what? What are we talking about?"

"Ooh," Cariemer said, "Maybe she's daydreaming about him all on her own."

Rey rolled her eyes. "I do not now, nor have I ever, daydreamed about anyone. I will not entertain any follow-up questions."

"Okay, follow-up _statement_ : you're lying, farm girl." Cariemer laughed. 

"Outlying farm, remember? Nobody to really daydream about."

"No handsome seasonal workers? No characters in novels? No imaginary man come to rescue you from your pastoral life? Nobody?"

"When you work hard, you don't have time for that kind of stuff," Rey ground out, eyes scanning the room for a familiar face. "You just kind of collapse at the end of the day." She scarfed down her lunch, her full mouth denying her comrades any further conversation. Closing her eyes for better clarity, she felt two Resistance saboteurs nearby. Then she put up her shields, knowing that it would be henceforth irresponsible and dangerous to use the Force in any way.

Standing quickly, she began the motions of ending this compromised mission. She took her nearly empty food tray to the nearest Resistance member, pretended to be distracted, and slammed into him.

"I'm sorry, pal," she said. "I was paying attention to something else."

"It's okay." The man's eyebrows raised in alarm. Rey glared at him, urging him silently to calm down and stick to the script so she could communicate the exact nature of the problem. "What's your name?"

"Mir for short," Rey replied. _Cut the mission short_. "You?"

"More than a few people call me Cal... also for short." _I understand that the mission must be cut short, and I can communicate this to more than five people_. "Do you run into people often?" _Does anyone else know?_

"No, you're the first. I'm not planning on making a habit of it." _I probably can't tell anyone else_.

"That's a shame; you seem nice. Where are you from?" _Damn. To whom do you report?_

"A little place in Naboo," Rey replied. _General Organa_. "Got some family there, but I haven't been able to contact them in a while. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday." _I need a message relayed, but I can't get it out. It is of the utmost importance._

"Really? Naboo? That's- um- wow. Uh, anyway, I might be able to get you connected to your dad this evening." _Tonight I can get you a transmission_.

"Nah, he and I aren't on good terms." _I need you to send the message_.

"Okay. Um, I- I'll send a transmission. Help patch things up, maybe. What do you want me to say?" _I'll do it_.

"I appreciate it so much. Really. Would you tell him that his baby is coming home?" _Thanks. Kylo Ren is coming._

"His baby is coming home?" The man choked out the syllables slowly. Rey nodded. "Is there a time frame?" _Kylo Ren is coming? When?_

"I'm not exactly sure. Soon. I know he wasn't expecting it, but plans change."

"I... yeah. Got it, Mir. If you could just tell me your dad's name?" _Understood. What's the scrambled code for the General's channel?_

=====

As she drifted into sleep, Rey's thoughts couldn't help but wander. Code-Name-Cal had been so skittish. What if he screwed up the message? But no, she reasoned. It was so dire, so important, that he couldn't. Kylo Ren is coming. Kylo Ren is coming. She would see Code-Name-Cal tomorrow and he would give a subtle signal as to whether or not he had succeeded in sending the transmission and that would be the end of it. The Resistance would leave Starkiller Mark II, having delayed its progress only minimally, and they would be assigned to other jobs. She herself might work on new Forms with Master Luke.

That happy idea and the memory of synthetic bread stuck with her until sleep claimed her.

=====

0600

Eyes: Check

Hair and Eyebrows: Check

Smile and Attitude Adjustment: Check.

0630

Three cups of caf, two warm sausages, and phony fun talk with the team.

Where was Code-Name-Cal?

0700

Building Starkiller Mark II

In anticipation of _his_ arrival, Rey had decided not to use the Force at all. That meant no more Mind Tricks on guards. That meant actually working on this superweapon. She swallowed her bile.

She was building the machine that could possibly wipe out D'Qar. Destroy Jakku. Eliminate Ahch-to. It ate suns and sent angry red streaks across the sky before exterminating millions. The Hosnian System. In retrospect, she fancied that she felt it happen through the Force. She wasn't sure if she actually had or if she was deluding herself, thinking herself a stronger Jedi than she was.

She knew how to wire these consoles properly and quickly. She could finish everything on her schedule by lunch, but she still intended to do her part. She would take as much time as she could, smacking tools around to make the job seem more difficult to the men and women standing guard. Still she offered to let them try the controls when she was done. One woman had taken her up on the offer, thrilled to be able to use such sophisticated technology. Rey thought of Finn and how he had once worked for the First Order. Had this woman been indoctrinated from birth as well? How could she care about one but despise the other?

1330

Code-Name-Cal jerked a nod.

The message had been delivered to General Organa.

1800

Someone tripped her. Rey looked up angrily, brushing bleached strands of hair out of her face.

"I'm sorry, pal," a woman said. "You know Cal, right?" _You're aware of the situation?_

"Yes. I smacked into him yesterday," Rey answered. _I'm the one who informed him._

"Ah. Well, he told me you have an interest in land speeders. I happen to share that interest, so I thought we could chat." _I know what vehicles we're using to get away_. 

"Really? Sit with me. How long have you been into speeders?" _How long until we leave?_

"Not terribly long. Three years. I had to fly in secret- my parents thought it wasn't ladylike- so I did it at night. I liked to go an hour or so after midnight." _Three nights from now, 0100._

"What was your first model?" _What type of craft?_

"An old RGC-18." _A cargo ship._

"Sensible, but did you make any modifications?" _Smart. What's it going to look like?_

"No, it looked like the rest of them. Didn't want anything flashy, y'know?" _It's going to look like a First Order ship._

"How did you tell it apart from the others?" _How will I know which one is ours?_

"I always parked it closest to the main door if I could." _Nearest to the large hangar door on C Deck._

"And if you couldn't?" _Contingency plan?_

The woman shrugged. "I'd make do."

"Kriff," Rey cursed.

"Yeah. Anyway, I gotta fly. See you around."

Rey marched solemnly to the dinner line, mind swimming. She didn't like not having a backup plan. She didn't like this modicum of uncertainty. She would have to hold out hope that Kylo Ren didn't appear within the next three days.

She unceremoniously dropped her tray onto the table and slid into a seat next to Lanwin.

"Well, if it isn't miss popularity!" Lanwin said, grinning and tweaking her nose.

"What are you talking about?" Rey snapped. She was stabbing her dinner with her fork, pushing it around, not bothering to eat it.

"You've been making friends with people from all over the base lately. There was that guy who programs door codes and now that girl who works in the hangar bay."

"You mean the guy I bumped into and the girl I tripped over? That's hardly making friends, Lanwin. The four of you are enough for me."

"I'm not sure if that was a compliment, a backhanded compliment, or an insult."

"It was a compliment," Rey sighed. "Just been a rough day. Sorry for the tone."

"We love you too, Mir," Cariemer said, making kissy faces. Rey cracked a smile. "But it won't just be the five of us on the team much longer."

Roo's head jerked up. "What do you mean?"

"I heard the supervisors talking. Construction is coming along so well that they're bringing in weapon and defense technicians early. One or two more people to each team," Cariemer explained.

Tobits groaned. "More damn kids to babysit."

"Oh please, Tobits. You're a frisky old codger," Lanwin said.

"You know," Tobits said slowly, "I have an idea. You kids know what hazing is?"

"No," Rey and Roo said.

"Yes," said Cariemer and Lanwin.

"Initiation, of a sort. Unpleasant but not painful," Tobits explained. "I propose that we subject our new teammate- or mates- to a bit of hazing."

"Frisky, just like I said," Lanwin remarked. "I love it. What do we do?"

"Come on," Roo said. "Can't we just welcome them? Get off on the right foot?"

"Three of five already like the idea, little Roo."

"Can we just do another round of Truth or Dare, then?"

"Only if we can make it more interesting," Cariemer replied. "We must all choose a newbie on our turn and ask something absurdly embarrassing or dare something physically embarrassing. Everyone cool with that?"

In truth, Rey thought it was rather mean. Still, she agreed to the compromise. She would only be on base for three more days. It wasn't likely that she would have to participate in the "hazing".

=====

0600

Eyes: Check.

Hair and Eyebrows: Check.

Personality and Accent: Check.

0630

Something wasn't right. There was someone in her seat. She had a horrible feeling that this was a Resistance ally who had forgotten protocol and was going off-script.

Rey anxiously took a seat across from the stranger and "accidentally" spilled hot caf on his hands.

"I'm sorry, pal," she said pointedly.

"Whatever," the man said, wiping his damp hand with a napkin and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his crooked nose.

"So," Rey continued, confused, "are you a friend of Cal's?"

"No," he groused. "I'm new. I don't know anyone yet."

"Oh," she said, realization dawning. "You're the new hire, then. I'm Mirerea."

"Matt," he replied. "I'm a radar technician."

"Cool. I do a lot of the wiring stuff, so I'd say that our jobs might overlap, but I'm usually assigned to lower deck holo consoles. Radar probably has you on the bridge, I'd imagine."

"Not sure. Haven't gotten an assignment yet."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw Lanwin and Roo join the breakfast line.

"Okay, fair warning," she whispered hurriedly, "the rest of the team plans on asking you awkward questions tonight. Stick with me and Roo during the game and you'll be fine. Tobits is a prankster beneath his grouchy old man exterior. Lanwin and Cariemer don't mean any harm; it's all good fun to them. You didn't hear any of this from me."

Matt blinked and nodded dumbly. "Thanks, I guess."

"Ah, our resident newbie!" Lanwin exclaimed, clapping Matt on the shoulder. The latter flinched at the contact. "I'm Lanwin, anti-hacking software. I see you've been talking to our sweet Mir. Has she confided any daydreams?"

"Shut it," Rey said, sticking out her tongue. "Lanwin, this is Matt. He's on radar."

Roo introduced herself, a queer expression on her face.

Tobits and Cariemer joined them, and the team was complete.

"Matt, honey, we have got to do something about that hair," Cariemer said, clicking her tongue. "What do you think, Roo? Mir? Cut and color? That orange-y blond does nothing for your complexion."

"Cariemer, darling dear, leave the man alone. Not everyone wants your backdoor cantina makeovers," Lanwin said. Cariemer dismissed his protestation with an airy wave of her hand.

"So... how do you guys like working here?" Matt asked.

"Work's work," Tobits said with a shrug.

"It's pretty much the same as the original Starkiller, if you have that as a frame of reference," Roo said.

"You worked on Starkiller?" Rey asked. "I didn't know that. I thought almost everybody there died."

"I did _fabricating_ on Starkiller," Roo clarified. "I left well before the base was operational. I like you guys better than the team I worked with then, though."

"Well, naturally. I thought we had established that we're all basically in love with each other," Lanwin said.

"No," Cariemer snorted, "you think all of us are in love with you and we humor you."

"That stings."

"Oh, you're perfectly charming," Rey said, ruffling his already unkempt black hair.

"Don't encourage him," Roo warned with a giggle.

"But is it good working here? Enjoyable?" Matt interjected almost forcibly.

Rey blinked a few times. "I suppose. I mean, I like mechanical things anyway, so I have a bias."

"Work's work," Tobits repeated.

"I get to use a blowtorch relatively unsupervised. I'm happy," Cariemer said, shrugging one shoulder.

"What about the bosses? What do you think of them?" Matt pressed.

"We don't see the supervisors unless we've done something wrong. We get our schedules and that's it." Rey knew he didn't want to know about the supervisors. She could feel, even without opening herself to the Force, that this was about something deeper to Matt. Whether he loved or hated the First Order, she didn't know, but talking politics was dangerous.

"I mean the _bosses_. General Hux and Kylo Ren."

"She knew who you meant, mate," Lanwin said quietly. "This isn't the place to air political opinions. We're here to work. So if you know what's good for you, keep your mouth shut about the system and worry about radar."

"So nobody talks about any of it? The war? The Re-"

"Nobody we know," Rey cut him off. "Please, stop. Talk about anything else. It's an unspoken rule- no mentioning the stuff outside. We're in a bubble while we're here. When you're done with the radar systems, feel free to proclaim allegiance to whomever you like. Just don't do it now."

Under the heavy gaze of the original five team members, Matt shifted in his seat. "So everyone is afraid," he said.

"Shouldn't we be?" Lanwin asked.

"Yes. You're right to be cautious. I apologize." He adjusted his glasses again.

"It's fine," Rey said. "Just... be careful."

1930

The dinner crowd had dispersed and only the six of them remained in the mess hall. The lighting hummed quietly overhead, underscoring Cariemer's borderline menacing instructions.

"The game is Truth or Dare. The only rules are that you can't ask the person who just asked you, complete _honesty_ , and complete _compliance_."

"Within reason," Rey added, earning her a few dirty looks. "Nothing that will hurt anybody, and nothing political."

Cariemer rolled her eyes. "Well, that's obvious. You had to ruin the dramatic moment, Mir."

"A little clarification never hurt anybody." She shot a glance at Matt, silently reminding him to stick to her and Roo, only choose them, so he could avoid embarrassment.

"As usual, youngest first. Matt, you look over nineteen, but for _clarification_?" Cariemer asked. Matt nodded. "Roo begins. Remember the rules."

"Okay... Matt. Truth or dare?" Roo asked hesitantly, looking at her hands.

"Truth," he said evenly.

"Um..." Roo struggled to think of something embarrassing enough to fit the hazing agreement that wasn't unkind. "Least favorite school experience? Provided you went to school." Tobits, Lanwin, and Cariemer all looked at her as if she'd committed treason for asking something so easy.

"I injured all of my classmates when they wouldn't stop bullying me."

"That's messed up, Matt," Lanwin said.

"A guy can only take so much before he fights back." Matt didn't seem bothered at all by the stares.

"Actually," Rey said, "I kind of understand. Two brothers, you know. Eventually I had to hit back." She was thinking of everyone who had every bullied her, tried to take advantage of her for being a young girl, and how she had smacked them silly with her staff. Sometimes you had to use force to get respect.

"I get it, too," Cariemer agreed. "People think that because you're a dancer, they have a right to touch you. Why do you think I had to escape that sandy hellhole with a torch to someone's neck? I guess it's your Corellian male privilege talking, Lanwin."

"Point taken," Lanwin said, chastened. "Your turn to ask, Matt."

"Mirerea," Matt chose. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth. And call me Mir," Rey said, smiling.

" _Mir_... What scares you the most?"

Rey glared at him. "Losing my friends and family. Not cool, Matt. Roo, truth or dare?"

"Truth," the Twi'lek said.

"Would you be so kind as to vindicate me on your turn with a ridiculously embarrassing question?" She hid her wink from Matt.

"Oh, absolutely," Roo giggled, a blush rising onto her blue cheeks. "Matt, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Matt said immediately.

Roo looked at Rey apologetically. "I already had one in mind. I dare you to pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time."

Matt did so with surprising ease. "Mir, an easy one either way as an apology. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Rey said with some suspicion.

"Clap your hands four times."

Rey clapped four times. "Roo, truth or-"

"Oh, I see what's going on!" Lanwin interjected. "You've set it up so that only the three of you play and give each other soft questions all night!"

"I thought that hazing sounded mean," Rey squeaked.

"That's the point," Tobits grumbled. "Make the new guy feel awkward."

"I thought we ought to make the new guy feel welcome. Now that the jig is up, we can play a regular game and ask normal questions of Matt and get to know him."

Lanwin, Tobits, and Cariemer sighed and nodded their silent assent unhappily.

Rey expected Matt to look grateful. Instead, he was squinting at her, a look of consternation plastered across his features. She cocked her head and met his eyes questioningly. When his visage yielded nothing, she merely looked away. The moment passed unnoticed by anyone else.

As she dressed for bed, tasting phantom bread, Rey thought about that look. It wasn't a look one gave to someone who had shown them kindness. It was the look one had when working on a puzzle or difficult project. He had been trying to understand her, she decided, to understand _why_ she had been kind when the majority of the group had decided to act otherwise. She also got the distinct feeling that Matt wasn't used to kindness. She had cut off her Force abilities as soon as she'd heard Kylo Ren's name echoing through the minds of the crew, but a blind bantha could tell that Matt was socially inept. Add to that his oversized glasses, _interesting_ hair, and the unfortunately gangly limbs his genetics had given him... Well, Rey understood why he'd needed to fight against bullies as a child.

Two days until evacuation.

=====

1430

"Mir!" Lestty, Rey's dark-skinned Amazonian supervisor called. "Come here a sec."

"Right, just finishing this console," Rey responded. She double-checked her work and followed her superior's voice into the corridor.

"Follow me." She jerked her chin. Rey followed obediently, tools jostling and jangling in her bag and on her belt. She was led to a large room with huge windows showing her the void she had yet to explore. "Tell this man what a calcinator looks like."

"What?" Rey asked. Then she saw him: Matt was sitting on the floor, tools surrounding him, looking lost. "He's a radar tech. He has to know what a calcinator looks like."

Lestty snorted. "You'd think." In sotto, she continued. "Between you and me, I think he has a cousin with an important job in the First Order. Man obviously knows nothing about radar."

"I'm done for the day," Rey said. "I'm happy to help."

"You know I can't pay you extra, right?"

"I know. Salaried position and all that. It's fine," Rey said, smiling slightly.

The supervisor clapped Rey on the back, shot Matt a dirty look, and left the room grumbling.

For a long minute neither Matt nor Rey said anything. Rey stared at the vast vacuum of space, not for the first time counting stars. She knew what system they were in, but she still was ignorant enough of the galaxy that she didn't know where she was in relation to Jakku, Ahch-to, D'Qar, or any system she had a connection to. Sighing, she sat beside Matt.

"You will rewire and install this calcinator," he told her.

She raised a dyed eyebrow. "No. I'll show you how to do it, though."

"You will rewire and install this calcinator," he repeated firmly.

"Would you rather be given a loaf of bread once or be taught to make bread so you could feed yourself in the long term?" Rey asked. Matt's dark eyes were wide. "Were you a spoiled kid or something? No, sorry, I don't want to make any assumptions or start uncomfortable conversations. Take your needle-nose pliers. No, the needle-nose pliers. _No_ , the ones I'm pointing at. There we are. Now I'll take out a functional calcinator so you know what it's supposed to look like, then you and I shall make this one look like the working one. I'll reinstall the one I take out and walk you through installing this one. Sound good?"

Matt nodded. They worked quietly, Rey giving gentle pointers and instructions. They finished a few minutes before dinner.

"Thanks," Matt said grudgingly.

"No problem," Rey said. "Though you were rather imperious at first. Used to getting your way?" she teased.

"Yes. I'm rarely told 'no'. It's not about being spoiled, though I suppose I was a spoiled child. You're the first person to tell me no in years."

"Then why are you a techie?" she asked earnestly.

He twisted his lips. "Let's call it a test."

"You wanted to know if you could do something menial." It wasn't a question, and it was said without judgment.

"Not quite." A smile ghosted his face.

"You're not going to tell me the truth, are you?" Rey asked. "I respect that, and won't pry." She stood and offered a hand to help him up.

"I'll tell you the truth on one condition," he said. Rey raised her eyebrows, silently asking for the condition. Matt grabbed her forearm and pulled her down towards him. Their noses were almost touching, breath mingling, eyes locked. "You tell me who you really are."

Rey jerked backwards, stumbling. "I told you who I am. Do you want my life story or something?"

His temperament changed in the half second it took for him to stand. "I... I'm not good at the whole getting-to-know-people thing. You're the only person who has shown me a modicum of kindness. I didn't mean to get..."

"Weird?" Rey supplied harshly.

"Weird," Matt agreed. "I grew up in a strange family, to put it mildly, and didn't get a lot of socialization. Then I went to school and- well, I told you what happened there. I'm not a people person. I can sen- see that you're not really one either. It's a good ruse, but a ruse nonetheless. Maybe it takes an outsider to know an outsider."

"Is that your version of an apology?" Rey asked.

"I guess."

"Fine. Just don't manhandle me again. Or try to boss me around. Now let's get dinner."  

 2200

In 27 standard hours, she would be leaving Starkiller Mark II. Just 27 hours.

She had certainly gotten helpful information from the unsuspecting minds of First Order operatives in the course of her time on the base, and she liked to think that she had delayed construction a little. It saddened her that some of these people- good people, people who wanted nothing to do with the war or the Supreme Leader- would be targeted after the mass exodus of saboteurs. Sweet Roo had already had her mind scrambled by Kylo Ren; Rey didn't want to think of what tortures the girl might endure for unknowingly fraternizing with a member of the Resistance. Kylo Ren would rip every memory of "Mir" from Roo's head, looking for any time Rey may have slipped up and accidentally revealed something. She couldn't recall ever breaking character and held that knowledge like a security blanket.

"Forgive me," she whispered. "Forgive me, Roo. Tobits. Lanwin. Cariemer. Kriff, even Matt. Forgive me if my absence causes you trouble."

Matt. She wasn't as concerned about him as she was the others. For one thing, he would have known her a scant few days before her escape. For another, she felt that Lestty had a point about his ineptitude and position; he probably had connections within the Order. And he was, as they would say on Jakku, one odd bloggin. There was something else, too. Rey frowned as she remembered how he had grabbed her arm. The action itself was rude, yes, but it wasn't just Matt being weird. Somehow, he _knew_. She didn't know how much he knew, but he certainly had part of her figured out. And there had been something about him, too. Some sort of recognition; she had seen those eyes before, she thought. Those dark, unyielding eyes hidden behind thick, huge glasses that rested on a crooked nose. And the way he spoke to her! Was he being sexist or spoiled?

She closed her eyes, tasting synthetic bread.

Meditation.

Square breathing.   

Clear your mind. Don't open it, not with that monster en route.

Her eyes fluttered shut and snapped open almost simultaneously.

That was Han Solo's nose. Han Solo's son had inherited it, and he had the same soulful eyes. That tone- he wasn't trying to tell her to do his work. He was trying to _trick_ her into doing it. He knew she was hiding something because the trick hadn't worked. Kylo Ren wasn't coming, Kylo Ren was already here.

But she had sliced his face in half, part of her reasoned. He would have a delightfully nasty scar. Master Luke's first replacement hand looked remarkably realistic, she reminded herself.

His face didn't matter. All that mattered was the transport. Less than 27 standard hours. But Kylo Ren probably knew that, Rey thought bitterly. She would have to find Land Speeder Girl in the morning to warn her and hope, hope, hope that Matt the Radar Technician wasn't listening to the girl's thoughts.

=====

0600

Eyes: Check

Hair and Eyebrows: Check

Personality: She didn't bother smiling.

0630

Land Speeder Girl was easy to find.

"I'm sorry, pal," Rey said over the din of voices. "Can I grab you for a minute?" The woman nodded and walked away from her friends, her face betraying nothing. "So I was hoping we could continue our discussion about speeders." _Is the transport still the same?_

"I mean, I said all I had to say," the girl told her. "Did you have more questions about my old speeder?" _It's the same. Did you forget something?_

"No, nothing like that. Er, first- I never caught your name." _What's the mission length?_

"Oh, how rude of me! I'm Syl." _Short_. She looked confused.

"I'm Mirerea Strekt," Rey said. _I've been compromised._

Syl blanched. "That's a mouthful. Any nicknames?" _You're sure?_

"There are people from home who call me Mir, but they're better off without me." _Leave me behind._

"Really? I'm sure they love you." _Are you sure?_

"Nah. There's better family than me out there." _Someone can do my job better than me_.

"You can never have too much family," Syl insisted. _I don't want anyone to stay here_.

"Well, there are times when we have to do things our family doesn't like, but it's to keep them safe and happy. Somebody has to make sure they can afford those land speeders, you know? And I guess I'm the type of person who knows when it's better to piss off your family for their own good." _You're in trouble. I'm giving you a distraction. Don't argue_.     

"I... suppose I understand." Syl's eyes reflected a silent thank you. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And do you want me to tell your-"

"That I'm sorry. Whichever way it goes, I'm sorry."

Rey balled her hands into fists and squinted her eyes shut, trying not to feel bad for herself.

"You okay, Mir?" Lanwin asked when she reached her usual seat.

"Headache," she muttered, shaking her head. Roo handed her a cup of caf.

"You ever gonna fill us in on your new friends?" Cariemer asked.

"Who? Land Speeder Girl?" Rey replied drowsily. "Sorry. Her name's Syl, but I only just learned that. We talk about land speeders, so she's been Land Speeder Girl in my mind."

"And the boy?"

"Cal? Eh. I literally ran into him and he was nice about it. I'd hardly call us friends. Or Syl, but I think she and I could be friends given time."

She mechanically ate her breakfast. Internally her mind was going a thousand kilometers a minute. How would she distract Matt- Kylo Ren- whatever- in the middle of the night?

1345

"Cariemer!" Rey called.

"Make it fast," Cariemer said. "Not all of us finish us our work obscenely early."

"I need your help."

"With?"

Rey mumbled and turned bright red.

"Say again?" Cariemer pressed.

"I need to know how to flirt!" Rey whispered nervously.

"Ooh, daydreams off the port bow?" Cariemer laughed.

"Not unless I learn how to flirt first."

"Who's the lucky guy? Or is it the girl from the mess hall?"

"You'd laugh at me if I said."

"Then tell me _about_ the person."

"Well," Rey said, "he's a physically powerful guy but hides it well. He's egotistical and spoiled. He's a sycophant. He's duplicitous-"

"It sounds like you hate him."

"Vehemently. But I need his attention. And he presently doesn't know that I'm aware of his true nature. He seems to like me, or tolerate me at least."

"Are you going to trick him into fucking you and then use it against him?" Cariemer asked, a wicked grin on her face.

"No! Although if I wasn't repulsed by him that wouldn't be a bad idea. If you knocked it down to kissing."

"Mir, kissing someone you hate is nothing. Going down on someone you hate is almost something." Rey blushed furiously. "Hate _sex_ is the only thing that you can really use against someone."

"Well, that's not going to happen anyway, so... Flirting?"

"Wait just a minute," Cariemer said slyly. "You're awfully red, and you're asking for advice on how to _talk_ to men. Can the lovely Mir be a virgin?"

"It doesn't matter," Rey muttered.

"But it does! It alters the technique."

"Will you help me or not?" Rey snapped.

"Okay, my sweet, innocent, darling Mir. Oh, and that particular secret is safe with me."

"I appreciate it. The help and your silence."

"We ladies have to stick together. I do wish you'd tell me who it is you're seducing."

"If it works, maybe I will. Maybe."

"I can handle maybe. Is he at least handsome?"

Rey thought for a moment. "He's tall. Dark hair. Pretty eyes. I've got no basis for comparison."

"Another maybe? Fine. Here are some sure-fire tricks..."

1800

Rey had no appetite. She was supposed to be leaving tonight. She was supposed to be getting on a cargo ship and leaving the First Order behind. Instead, she would be spending her night with orange-blond awkward Matt, evil overlord in disguise. A few hours of discomfort weren't much compared to the lives she was saving. They needed a distraction. She could do this. She could flirt. She could keep his attention for a few hours. The thought that he didn't know anything about the escape had crossed her mind more than once. She had wanted a contingency plan for the night of the breakout; now she herself was the contingency.

_Physical contact is key_ , she reminded herself as Matt took a seat beside her. She awkwardly patted his shoulder. "How was your day?"

"Fine," Matt said. "I finally have the hang of calcinators."

_Laugh at what he says_. Rey burst into a fit of giggles.

Matt took off his glasses and furrowed his brow. "What's funny?"

Rey sobered immediately. "Nothing," she said. "Just... feeling bubbly, I guess."

"Oh. Well, try not to make a habit of it. It's obnoxious."

"Excuse me?"

"You're one of the few tolerable people here. Don't ruin it by acting stupidly."

_Draw attention to your mouth and apparently don't giggle_. She bit her bottom lip and cocked her head. "Wow. I feel great. Tolerable. Just what a lady wants to hear."

Matt blinked in surprise. "Would you rather have me whisper sweet nothings in your ear?"

"Not if they didn't mean anything," Rey said, looking askance. _Hard to get. But compliment him!_ "But everyone likes to hear nice things every so often. For instance, I could hypothetically tell you that I think you have enchanting eyes. Then it would be your turn. Hypothetically."

He turned red from his neck to his ears and replaced his glasses. "Oh," he said quietly. "If we're still speaking in hypotheticals, I would ungraciously rebuke the compliment and follow that up by acknowledging your freckles. In a good way. Hypothetically."

Rey clasped his hand, momentarily forgetting that this was Kylo Ren. "Take the compliment. And thanks. I'm not a big fan of my freckles, so I'm glad someone is."

Their eyes locked. For some reason, Rey felt that the gaze was disingenuous because of her contact lenses. The thin film only tinted the color of her irises, but they made her disappear and Mirerea become substantial. Matt- Kylo Ren- wasn't looking at Rey, but at a facsimile. They were both marionettes on the microcosmic stage of the base. As soon as one of them stepped off, as soon as one of them cut their strings, the gaze would change. It would mean something entirely different. It would possibly dissipate into the realm of the immaterial. In the moment, that thought was sinful. Rey looked away. She couldn't taint something that didn't exist.

Who was the man hiding behind the glasses? He was no man Rey wanted to know; he was patricidal, a puppet to a shadow king. But he was also a lost little boy. She had felt it. She had felt his fear of disappointing his long-dead grandfather, twisted as it was. She had also felt the fear of a child who didn't know what to do and who needed his dad. And therein lay the dichotomy. Kylo Ren was afraid of having no legacy. The boy- Ben, Matt, whatever he decided to call himself- was afraid of being alone. She understood that particular fear, and she loathed herself for finding common ground with the man who had killed Han Solo.

She only became aware of Matt's thumb running over her knuckles when Lanwin sat at the table and cracked a joke. "I don't believe my eyes," he said. "So, should I be jealous, Matt?"

Matt and Rey pulled apart quickly. "It's not like that, you rodder. If you want your equipment to stay intact, I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself," Rey said sharply.

Lanwin coughed on a bite of a cream puff.

"Oh dear," Matt said drily. "He's choking on food."

But Rey knew a Force choke when she saw one. Thinking fast, she turned to Matt and put her hand on his thigh, effectively breaking his concentration. "He can't breathe!" she exclaimed. Lanwin, however, had regained the use of his trachea as soon as Matt had flinched.

"It's fine, Mir," Lanwin said, taking a drink of water. "Just went down the wrong pipe, I guess."

Tobits, Roo, and Cariemer joined them at that moment. Cariemer's eyes went wide as she took in the scene before her. " _Seriously_ , Mir?" she asked before she could censor herself.  

"Shut up," Rey muttered, removing her hand from Matt's leg and taking her fork. "So..." she said casually, "anyone up for Truth or Dare tonight? I have an idea for a new rule."

"New rule, eh?" Tobits asked. "Something dastardly, I hope."

"You'll have to wait until tonight to find out. Everyone in?" She looked around the table. Four heads nodded immediately. Matt remained still. "C'mon, Matt," she urged. "No mean stuff."

He was looking through her. She could feel him trying to read her thoughts. She had walled herself off; she had practiced this for months with Master Luke. No giving, no receiving. Blank. Oh, he would certainly detect Force sensitivity. That was a given. But her thoughts? The pictures in her head? No, he wouldn't be seeing those. She kept a small smile of her lips, trying to exude happiness.

"Okay," he agreed.

Rey silently thanked R'iia. The early part of the distraction was set.

1945

"The new rule," Rey declared from her place in the circle, "is that group truths and dares are allowed. For example, on my turn I may choose the group instead of a single person- but I choose whether it's a truth or a dare. So I would say, 'Group truth' or 'Group dare'. Then everyone would have to agree to do it. If not, play resumes as normal."

"I like 90% of it," Tobits said. "The only problem is the unanimous agreement. I think it should be mandatory."

"No!" Roo protested. "What if I _really_ don't want to do a dare that turn?"

"Majority rules, then?" Rey asked. The team nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm. "And after a group truth or dare, the person to the right of the last one asked gets to go. To spice things up- and lower the level of hazing- Matt will go first."

"Cariemer," Matt said. "Truth or dare?"

"Hm... dare," Cariemer answered with a wink.

"Oh. I hadn't thought of a dare. Um... I dare you to yell 'Millicent must die' _really_ loudly."

"MILLICENT MUST DIE!" Cariemer shouted. Her voice echoed through the empty mess hall. "So who's Millicent and why should she die?"

"Millicent," Matt said, stifling a chuckle, "is a cat. Her owner likes to lock her in my rooms, where there is no litter box. I suppose I should direct my fury towards my acquaintance, but he's not the one who leaves little surprises in my shoes."

The group laughed, including Matt. Rey noted that he had a long dimple on the right side of his mouth on the rare occasions that a lopsided smile graced his lips. It was endearing. Casting her eyes downward, she reminded herself that she was supposed to be distracting him, not the other way around.

"Mir-er-e-a," Cariemer drawled, emphasizing each symbol. "T or D?"

"Truth," Rey said quickly. She didn't want to be dared to kiss Matt, which she suspected was Cariemer's plan.

"Do I know the person we discussed today? Honesty, my dear." She waggled her delicate eyebrows and glanced back and forth between Rey and Matt. The rest of the team looked intrigued; they were probably wondering what the discussion had been.

"No," Rey said quietly. Rey had spoken of the despised Kylo Ren. She had wanted to attract the man who would read her thoughts and use them against her. She wanted to use body language against the villain who had murdered the only real father figure she'd ever known. Cariemer had never met Kylo Ren. Cariemer knew Matt, the radar techie who knew nothing about radar and was socially impaired. Rey found it surprisingly easy to compartmentalize the two.

"Group dare!" Rey announced.

"Good, good!" Lanwin said, clearly excited. "I vote yes." Tobits and Cariemer both vehemently voted in favor of the dare. Roo was more reluctant but ultimately agreed. Matt voted no, but as he was outnumbered, it didn't matter.

"Excellent," Rey said, relieved. "I dare all of you to ask zero questions about my discussion with Cariemer for the duration of the night."

This was met with many protestations. Lanwin was especially disheartened. Cariemer winked at Rey. Matt laughed, eyes crinkling and dimple showing. Rey's stomach twisted and she felt her face heat.

The game continued in its normal fashion for about an hour, a group truth or dare interspersed throughout. Then-

"Truth," Rey said.

"Do you have a crush on anyone?" Matt asked.

"Matt, I thought you were my ally here!" she lamented. Everyone looked at her expectantly. _Did_ she have a crush? "Maybe?" Rey said. "And before you all call me out for trying to get out of an answer, let me explain. I've never had a crush before, so I don't know what it feels like. But there's somebody who makes me feel... weird. The weird isn't entirely good. So I don't know if it counts as a crush."

"Crush," Lanwin said. "Who's the lucky guy or girl?"

"It's not your turn, and if I'm asked that question I will quit and go to bed."

"Spoil sport," Lanwin muttered.

"My turn," Rey said. "Group truth." Everyone agreed. To pacify the desire for a scandalous question and deflect attention, Rey said, "In keeping with the theme of too much information, let's talk nudity. What's your favorite part of your body that your clothes hide?"

"My equipment," Lanwin said immediately. "Completely astral."

Cariemer snorted. "Typical male answer. I like my arms. They're strong and don't remind me of dancing in a stupid dive bar."

"Feet," Tobits said. "I've spent a lifetime collecting those calluses and corns."

Roo hesitated. "My... my heart!"

"Abs," Matt said without thinking. Lanwin busted out laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You look like you weigh about 30 pounds. I don't mean it in a bad way. You just look more skin-and-bones than muscle," Lanwin explained.

Matt scoffed. "Just because you haven't seen them doesn't mean they aren't there."

"Should we have him prove it?"

"No," Rey and Roo said at the same time. Roo continued, "Don't make him do anything he doesn't want to do."

"I don't mind." Matt shrugged. He briefly made eye contact with Rey, who looked away, blushing, as he lifted his work shirt.

"Fuck me gently with a blowtorch," Cariemer said with a whistle. "Mir, look at this."

Rey had seen shirtless men. She had seen Poe without a shirt countless times. Finn, too, and some of the other Resistance fighters while they were exercising. But there was definition to Matt's torso, shapes that Finn didn't have. Poe had them, but not that many. Yet another thing drew her attention- the pink and white lines across his stomach. Her eyes narrowed, and Matt lowered his shirt as soon as her thoughts turned dark.

"So skinny Matt has a six pack," Lanwin murmured. "Who woulda thought?"

"Six? Looked like eight to me," Tobits laughed.

"Tobits, you can't have an eight pack," Lanwin countered.

"Maybe _you_ can't."

Lanwin called the old man a dirty name under his breath. "My turn. Matt."

"Dare," Matt declared.

"Kiss Mir."

"Woah, woah- stop right there," Roo said. "You're forcing an action on Mir. Petty revenge for her question and his answer, if you ask me."

Rey shook her head. She should have expected something like this, she mused. "I don't mind. It's the nature of the game, after all." She half-smiled at Matt.

He untangled his gangly legs and walked to her. He reached a shaky hand to brush a few strands of bleached hair from her face, then cupped her cheek. Rey inhaled sharply, nervously, and closed her eyes. She tilted her head just so and licked her lips in anticipation of her first kiss. She felt she ghost of full lips against her forehead, barely a whisper. It was what she imagined a bedtime kiss would be like. She hid her irritation as he moved back to his seat.

"Matt," Lanwin said blankly, "that was _so_ not what I meant."

"Then perhaps you should have been more specific," Matt replied.

"Mir was even ready for a real kiss, and I don't think anybody has ever-"

"Shut _up_ , Lanwin!" Rey interjected. "Me and my kissing is none of your business."

"I declare Lanwin too butthurt to continue," Tobits said. "Tomorrow?"

Nods and murmurs of agreement sent four of the team to their rooms.

=====

Matt and Rey remained in the mess hall, alone.

"What are you still doing out here?" Rey asked.

"I imagine much the same thing as you," Matt replied cryptically, arching an eyebrow.

"You're going to rummage for something to help you sleep, too?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend to be dumb. It's not becoming."

"Pardon?" Rey asked, blinking in surprise. "First I'm tolerable, then I'm dumb? You're one smooth talker."

"You're not dumb. You're trying to play me for a fool. I really don't appreciate it."

"Sorry, but what are you talking about? I genuinely have no idea."

She felt him try to penetrate her mind once more but showed no signs of acknowledgment. "Maybe you don't. Maybe it's just a coincidence that you've been seen talking to Resistance agents."

"Resistance?" Rey gasped. "What would they be doing here? This place isn't even finished yet."

"Sabotage, of course. They're leaving tonight, though."

She had suspected that he might know. It was only important to play along. "But surely they know that anyone they're friends with would be in trouble. Interrogated. I've heard stories about some of the methods... And if you know about people leaving, then the higher-ups must certainly know. So they'll probably be stopped."

"No," Matt sighed. "They're being allowed to leave. I could just-" he made a fist "-It's stupid. These people know things about the base. They need to be killed. But the General is more interested in getting them as far away from here as quickly as possible."

"How do you know all this?" Rey asked.

"Isn't it enough that I know?" He chuckled mirthlessly. "They know that you've befriended some of the Resistance members. They think you might be with them."

"Befriended? My only friends are the people on our crew. We never discuss politics. None of them seem the type, though. And to be suspected by proxy... Well, I have to say, I'm more than a little scared. But, you know, you could spend the night in my room. Wait, that sounded wrong." A blush crept over her whole body. "I meant that you could come back to my room with me and stay the night, keep me there."

"That didn't sound much better," Matt said, his own face turning red.

Rey laughed. "No, I suppose it didn't. You know what I meant, though, so can we pretend it's not awkward?"

"Sure. Not awkward," Matt replied, holding in a smile.

Rey sighed. "So you're privy to First Order stuff. Is that why you wanted to know our feelings about Kylo Ren and General Hux? To tell them?"

"I wouldn't have said anything, actually. I was just curious. I'm still curious. I guess I just wanted some real talk."

"That's what Truth or Dare is for."

"That's not _real_ , though," Matt said.

"Of course it is," Rey objected. "Honesty is a rule."

"But there are caveats," Matt countered. "If any subject is off-limits, then by definition one cannot know the whole truth about another person. Plus you never know when someone is lying."

"Well, you have to trust them to tell the truth. And some stuff is too important to talk about."

Matt scoffed. "How can something be _too important_ to talk about? How do you get to really know someone unless you know the important things?"

"Okay, take this as an example. When you first asked about Kylo Ren and General Hux, what if we had all started saying awful things? You know people in the First Order. Even if you didn't, who knows who could have overheard that conversation? And even though we wait until the mess is relatively empty to play Truth or Dare, somebody walking by the doorway could hear what we say. The corridors echo. Now that there are different types of techs here, they could be installing surveillance. It's too dangerous."

"I disagree. As long as there's no surveillance, there's plausible deniability. There's no reason to not be honest with friends."

"Matt," Rey said, taking one of his large hands and looking into his eyes. "If there are more people like you- people who know First Order stuff- there's no way to know if they're going to snitch. And if there are Resistance here, too, well, wouldn't they carry people's opinions back with them?"

"Oh," he said. "I didn't think of it that way. The first part, I mean. I'm the only person like me here, though."

"That you know of," Rey snorted.

Matt's fingers curled angrily. "I'm the only person who can do what they want. There's no one else."

Suddenly Rey was back on Ahch-to. She was holding a light saber out to Master Luke, eyes beseeching him to take it. There was no one else who could defeat the First Order, she had told him. He had told her she was wrong and turned away. She had followed him, talking and shouting at him until her throat was raw. _There's no one else!_ Master Luke had insisted that there was- that he wasn't some irreplaceable paragon. There was someone else. There were plenty of others who could learn, and they would surpass him in wisdom and ability. Rey had been so frustrated that she hadn't realized he was teaching her patience and confidence until he had spelled it out for her.

"There's always someone else," Rey said quietly. "There's always someone to teach. If you don't want to do this job, offer to train your replacement. Frankly, you're crap at radar, Matt."

"There's only one other person who could do this job, and she'd sooner shoot herself in the face than even speak to me."

"Why would you say that?" Rey asked. He wasn't entirely wrong, she thought. If Rey were to meet Kylo Ren and she held a blaster, she would certainly shoot. She'd aim for his heart. As it was, she was Mirerea and he was Matt and they were holding hands in the mess hall of a First Order base. She shook her head slightly, wondering at her predicament.

"I did something bad," Matt said. He pointedly stared over her head. "I... killed someone she liked."

"Did you have a choice?" She gave voice to the question that had been in her mind since she had seen the saber's angry red plasma ignite through Han Solo.

"Yes and no. It's complicated. But I just wish she would listen to me. I could teach her so much."

"You love her."

"She hates me."

"That's got nothing to do with how _you_ feel."

"I barely know her. It's kind of like what you said earlier. She makes me feel something different. I don't like that I feel it, but I like the feeling."

"Matt," Rey said quietly. "Truth or dare?"

He chuckled. "You guys really love that game, don't you? I reserve the right to abstain since this isn't an official game. But truth."

"Why'd you kiss my forehead?"

"I didn't think you'd appreciate me forcing a real kiss on you."

"Forcing?" Rey said skeptically. "Your turn. Or, well, I'll make it easy. Truth."

He hesitated. She felt his pulse quicken. A series of emotions played across Matt's face- for this was not the face of Kylo Ren. This face showed hesitancy, embarrassment, a strange kindness, and something Rey couldn't quite define. "Did you..." he began, but trailed off, shaking his head. "Never mind. Stupid question." Rey took her free hand and used it to turn his chin so that he was facing her again. She locked eyes with him, false eyes through false glasses, but a lock all the same, and the air became heavy. With her fake eyes she urged him to ask what he was too shy to vocalize. She nodded at him, silently reassuring him that she wouldn't judge him, that she felt just as awkward. "Did you want me to kiss you?" He asked hoarsely. "Properly, I mean." Rey smiled slightly, blushing, and nodded.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Yes, she had been _prepared_ to kiss him earlier. But that she _wanted_ to kiss Matt- this was a new idea. He was weird. He was obstinate. He was unyielding. He was inept. He was intelligent. He was clumsy. He was her first crush. He was _Matt_ , the galaxy's worst radar technician. "Truth or-"

"Dare," he said, holding his breath.

"Kiss me. The way you want to."

Suddenly his full lips were on hers and she didn't know what to do. She mimicked his movements, wishing that one or both of them had thought to moisten their lips. He brought a hand to her face, rubbing circles on her cheek with his thumb. She put her hands on his shoulders, hoping this was the right thing to do. When she felt the tip of his tongue, she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," they said simultaneously.

"I've never kissed anybody before," Rey said. "I just don't know what to do. I freaked out."

"Really? Someone like you- I'd have thought you'd have had your pick of them. I thought I wasn't living up to your standards."

"No, I liked it. I didn't think you did because I'm terrible."

"Well, for a first try, it certainly wasn't bad."

After a brief silence, Rey asked, "Shall we try again?"

He nodded. "Don't think so much. Just feel."

"I'll try," Rey whispered, licking her lips before closing the distance between them.

She was still woefully unprepared, unskilled. Matt was slow and patient, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and biting ever so gently. Rey let out a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a groan, and she fisted her hands in his work shirt.

"Am I supposed to-" she began.

"Shh," he reprimanded her. " _Don't think_."

When his tongue touched her lips again, she opened her mouth the tiniest bit. Tentatively she poked her own tongue forward to touch his, too nervous to let it pass her teeth. Her heart was beating with the erratic tremors of a bird with a broken wing trying to escape a predator. She moved her hands frequently, on his shirt, on his neck, on his shoulders, in his hair, on her own lap- because where was she supposed to put them? He had said not to think, but she couldn't _not think_ during her first kiss. She found that she was trembling. Never one to back down from a challenge, needing to buy time, and _oh_ , because it was _nice_ , she followed his lead. Soon his tongue was in her mouth, sliding over hers, and it was the strangest sensation: slippery but a little coarse, gentle but strong, and good. She pushed into his mouth uncertainly, trying to mirror the movements that made her shiver. Then his hands were in her hair and he was pulling her closer, their teeth clacked together, and she was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen but that was okay because he was making noises that put heat in her abdomen and her hands were on his hips without her permission and she was pretty sure she was making noises, too, but it was starting to get hard to breathe, and

"Rey," he whispered.

She pushed away from him as if burned. "Good job," she said sarcastically. "You've successfully ruined my first kiss. Hope I was a good surrogate."

Months of training to not be _Rey_ had paid off. In the most crucial of moments, it had paid off.

Oddly, she didn't have to feign pain. The wringing knot in her stomach was real, the stabbing sensation in her chest was real, all as if he actually had said another woman's name. She was unsteady on her feet as she walked across the mess hall, and she hated the way her eyes misted over when she started making the tea that would help her sleep. She felt sick, used, and worthless-

-but it wasn't 0100 yet and she had to keep him busy until they were gone-

-and she shoved the rational part of her mind that said _you're manipulating him, too_ because she was doing it for a good reason and he was a horrible person and he didn't have feelings to hurt anyway-

Before she realized it, she had marched back to the table, full glass in hand, and doused Matt in cold water from behind. His neon hair stuck to his neck, face, and glasses, and he looked furious.

"What was that for?" he barked, grasping the hand holding the cup of water and twisting it until Rey winced and let the glass fall, shattering.

"Are you serious right now? I told you not to manhandle me, for one thing." She attempted to wrest herself from his grip.

"Then sit down and act normal!"

"You want me to act _normal_? After what you just did?"

"I can explain," Matt said, water dripping from his nose.

"This should be good," Rey said tartly, but returned to her seat nonetheless.

"You look like her. A lot."

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I kind of thought that you _were_ her."

"You are _really_ not climbing out of that hole you've dug yourself into."

"No, it's really uncanny. I thought you colored your hair and eyes and..." He shrugged.

"Created an incredibly elaborate twenty-year history that hundreds of people could vouch for? Am your brainwashed girlfriend? What?"

"There's something else, too," he said tersely, "but I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

"How terribly inconvenient." Rey leveled her eyes with his. "Of the two of us, I'm the one who has reason to be suspicious. No, it's not your turn to talk anymore. You show up obviously in disguise and are rude on Day One. Instead of being gracious, you tried to tell me to do your job. After I spent my afternoon teaching you Radar for Dummies, you didn't thank me. You grabbed me and accused me of being disingenuous. You have yet to properly apologize for that. I could have let the rest of the team do their worst, but I warned you about our penchant for Truth or Dare and their plan. When I started trying to be... to show... you were dismissive. You called me _tolerable_. And now you called me somebody else's name. Who are you? When you introduce yourself, it's as 'Matt, a radar technician'. I've never heard your surname. But I'm Lieutenant Suspicious over here. Sure, that makes sense."

She expected a fit of temper. Instead, Matt gaped at her and said, "What do you mean 'obviously in disguise'?"

"You aren't a blond. You aren't a ginger. You're not any combination. It's ridiculously obvious, and I'm not going to tell you how. It might not be obvious to everyone, but some girls notice these things. Probably some guys, too. I haven't said anything to anyone else, if that's what you're worried about. I was stupid enough to think that we were friends, and a friend wouldn't point out that their buddy was trying to be incognito. Even though we're very clearly _not_ friends, I'll still keep it quiet."

"Who said we're not friends?" Matt asked.

"Me," Rey replied. "I respect myself too much to stay close to somebody who continually disrespects me." She didn't know why he was reaching for her, but she didn't move. He swiped tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. She flinched at the contact.

"You're the closest thing to a friend I have here," he said quietly.

"See? Even you admit it," she said evenly. "I'm not a friend. I'm a person at the right place."

"No, that's- I didn't mean it like that. I'm not good at making friends, and I'm worse at keeping them. I always say or do the wrong thing."

"No kidding."

"Can you stop with the sarcasm for a minute? I'm trying to find the right words for what I want to say."

Rey mimed zipping her lips. She couldn't bring herself to not care about what he intended to say. It shouldn't matter. He was Kylo Ren. But apparently Kylo Ren had some strange feelings for her, and that was everything. If he loved her, the Resistance could figure out a way to use it against him and win the war. Rey was able to keep herself separate from Mirerea, but Kylo Ren seemed to struggle with that compartmentalization. If Matt fancied Mir, Kylo was fancying her as well. Conversely, though Mir fancied Matt, Rey's hatred for Kylo didn't diminish at all. Everything was too confusing, and she wished that she were leaving with her fellows. She didn't know how long it would be until she could orchestrate a solo escape. If she could. Poe had stolen a TIE fighter, but he had gotten off of the base only because of Finn's desertion.

"I guess I have a type?" Matt said uncertainly. "And you're my type." He tried to smile.

"That's no excuse for calling me by somebody else's name." Her eyes were hurting now not just because of the tears but because of her hard gray lenses. She needed to put saline on them, take them out. Sleep. Sleep and wake up on Ahch-to. Wake up anywhere else.

"It was an accident, Mirerea!" he shouted, causing her to start. Sighing, she moved to prepare her tea again but felt a gentle touch on her wrist. "Stop. Listen." His volume was lower, but the words were still tight in his throat and he was struggling to keep that touch gentle.

"You have one last chance," Rey said coldly. "Try not to stick your other foot in your mouth." She slid her arm away from his fingers slowly and retreated a meter or so before she sat once more.

"Just don't interrupt me, okay? I'm not good at the whole talking thing- don't say a word, Mir, I'm explaining- because I'm used to listening. Without having had a conversation. Do you get it?"

"You eavesdrop? Everybody does. That doesn't mean you can-"

"It's not eavesdropping. Not really. It's more like..." He searched for words in his mind, and Rey could see the cogs turning. She was trying to imagine what he would come up with to get himself back into her good graces. It was almost enough to make one smile, a nasty part of her thought. _Why, though, does he even want to get back on my good side? What's so important about doing that? Do I really remind him so much of, er, me? This is so messed up._ "You know about the Jedi, right?"

"Jedi? Yeah, everyone on Naboo knows _about_ them. Everyone also knows they're about as real as Vere and Set or any other legend." _Is he going to say he's a Jedi? That low-down_...  

"Oh, they're real. Only they aren't the only ones who can use the Force. A lot of people are sensitive to it. The Jedi had a knack for perverting and limiting its uses; it's no wonder they were exterminated."

Her burning eyes were wide. How flippantly he referenced his slaughter of children!

He mistook her expression for one of understanding and wonder. "Yes, Mir. I can use the Force. And maybe you don't know how yet, but you can use it, too."

"What- no. What does any of this Force nonsense have to do with you using me? Stop with the distractions or I'm getting my drink, going to bed, and trying to forget your face."

"It isn't nonsense," he growled. "You want your tea? I'll get it for you." He extended his hand and her mug flew into it from across the room. Rey feigned awe as he handed her the tea. She looked at him expectantly. _Surely it must be close to 0100_. "You see? You can do that too, in time. You just need a teacher." She internally bristled at his words. "But I digress. The Force can let me, shall we say, _browse_ a person's thoughts and feelings."

"You're a mind-reader," Rey whispered, keeping up the act. "That's how you know about those people leaving!" A pause, no longer than a heartbeat. "Then why don't you just read my mind and tell your First Order buddies that I'm innocent?"

"Because I can't see your thoughts! And the only other person whose defenses feel like that are _hers_. You look like her, you feel like her when I try to take your memories or make you- how could I _not_ think you were her?" He let his head fall into his hands, defeated.

Rey pursed her lips, needing to press her advantage. "Who did you kiss?"

"What?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Who did you kiss? Me or her? And you can't say that it was me just because I'm the one whose body it was. Who were you kissing?"

"Both of you, I guess."

"You," Rey seethed, "are utterly ridiculous and I should box your ears right now for that. As it is, I'm not engaging with you. I'll see you in the morning."

0145

_I hope they made it safely._

=====

0600

Hair and Eyebrows: Check.

Eyes: Gray and bloodshot.

Personality: Survival Mode.

0630

The mess hall was distinctly less crowded when she entered.

Confusion swirled around her on all sides. Voice after voice asking for the location of so-and-so, inquiring 'is my team member sick?', and unpleasant grousing about having to do extra work buzzed in Rey's ears. Yet she was content. She and her team were fine. Her saboteurs made it out. She would begin working on her own escape immediately. Granted, it would be difficult, but she'd faced worse.

"Hey, Mir," Cariemer said, sitting next to her. "There an epidemic or something?" Rey shrugged. "So... yesterday. You and Matt, huh?"

"No," Rey said sternly. "There is no 'me and Matt'. There will never be a 'me and Matt'."

Cariemer put a hand on her shoulder. "He fucked up, didn't he?"

"Colossally."

"You said I didn't know the person you wanted flirting lessons for. Liar, liar," she tsk'd.

"I really wasn't talking about him. I was talking about this guy I met last year that I may be seeing again soon," Rey replied.

"Give us a name before anyone else gets to the table?" Cariemer asked, eyes sparkling.

"Ben," Rey said without thinking. "But you have to lie for me, even during Truth or Dare!"

"Relax. Girl Code is absolute. Oh, joy, here comes the man of the hour... Good morning, Matt. Sleep well?" she said sweetly.

"Fine," was his curt response.

Tobits and Roo joined them shortly. "Apparently something was ill-prepared last night," Roo explained. "That's why so many people are missing today. Food poisoning."

Lanwin, who actually did have some sort of stomach bug, came to the table and looked at the food miserably. "I'd even settle for the gross stuff."

" _You_ might be sick, pretty boy, but it ain't food poisoning that's got this place thinned out," Tobits said. "Bunch of people left last night. Buddy of mine works in C, says a ship docked and left without logging. And suddenly hundreds of people are gone? My pal has quite a bit of money on it being a walk-out."

"That's so dumb," Rey said. "Why would you leave before you get paid? The job's not even hard."

"I told you so," Matt said, trying to catch Rey's eye.

"Well then _I_ told _you_ so, didn't I? About me. And I'm not talking to you."

Lanwin looked curiously from Rey to Matt, then turned his glance to Cariemer, who shrugged and shook her head. Rey wasn't entirely sure what it was, but she really liked "Girl Code" and was grateful that it was absolute. 

"Anyway," Cariemer drawled, "We'll be getting a visit from our dear supervisor today."

"How do you always know this stuff before anyone else?" Lanwin asked.

"I listen." She shrugged one shoulder.

"You mean you eavesdrop," Lanwin accused teasingly.

"If you like."

"Thank you!" Rey exclaimed. Everyone looked at her with varying degrees of confusion. "Not for eavesdropping, but for admitting that's what it is."

"Touchy subject?" Roo asked, worrying her bottom lip.

"Apparently," Matt snorted.

Rey shot him a withering glare.

He didn't try to engage in conversation for the rest of the morning.

1315

Lestty approached the group of five as they sat for lunch and joined them at the table. Typically affable, the frown on her face was both foreign and unbecoming.

"So I have some news," Lestty began, "and it ain't exactly pleasant."

Lanwin looked at Cariemer, who shook her head in anticipation of his question. "No clue."

"Well, the word just came down to me and I thought I'd let you know as soon as possible. I don't want anybody pissing their pants in a corridor out of shock." She looked at Matt pointedly when she said this. "There's no nice way to say this, and I won't be shocked if the reason all those people left is because they learned about it... Scary as hell, running around in a mask like that. How am I supposed to know what species he is? Looks human, but behind a mask somebody could have fifteen eyes and I'd never know." Lestty noticed her crew staring at her in anticipation. "Oh, right! Right. Turns out Kylo Ren is on the way. No idea _exactly_ when he'll be here, so don't ask. If I find out, I'll warn you."

She left the mess hall before any of the team could say a word.

Lanwin was the first to speak. He cracked a smile. "Lucky little Roo, huh?"

"What?" Roo asked, confused.

"You know, given your history-"

"Say one more word about it and I will slap the pretty right off your face, Lanwin," Rey warned.

"Am I pretty enough to warrant a daydream, my sweet?"

"Perhaps if it involved dismemberment."

"You two flirt like Clawdites who have never seen humans interact," Tobits said, mouth turned up at one corner.

Rey rolled her eyes and was about to protest that she wasn't flirting, but then she saw the look of thinly veiled anger on Matt's face and decided to keep her silence. She forced a small smile and looked at her hands. _This is flirty, right? Wish I could make myself blush..._

"Note my lady's lack of protestation," Lanwin said, laughing.

"Note the lady's lack of physical response," Tobits said in counterpoint. "You know how easily she blushes, and she isn't. She's faking."

"Oh, you obviously know nothing about women," Cariemer said, coming to the rescue. "We're far more complicated than that."

"I'm leaving," Rey ground out. "See you at dinner. Please have a more interesting topic by then."

1800

Lanwin did not let it go.

Even after Cariemer smeared butter on his face and dumped juice on his head, he persisted in teasing Rey.

"I just want you to know that I'm not really the marrying type, Mir. You've captivated me, though, so I might be convinced to make an exception."

"Usually I don't go for blondes, but your beauty is so ethereal that I simply can't resist you."

"Our children would be the loveliest in the galaxy, don't you think? Your bone structure, my eyes... Perfection itself."

"The sex would be great, too. I don't mean to brag- well, yes, I do- but I've never gotten a complaint. Women are usually too busy screaming my name to say anything else. Do you have a favorite position? I'm flexible."

Rey saw red at that comment, and she wasn't the only one. Cariemer slapped him, hard, in the back of the head, causing him to choke on the bread he was eating. Lanwin's choking continued long after it should have, alerting Rey to Matt's interference. Her eye twitched and she smacked Matt, who looked surprised but dropped his hold on Lanwin. Roo moved to attend to Matt's face, but he pushed her hands away. Tobits said and did nothing, only watched with a perverse kind of amusement.

"I'm out of here," Rey seethed. "I'm out."

She stormed from the mess hall, breathing uneven, steps heavy. She heard someone following her, but didn't care. She would tell them off and then keep going. She wasn't stopping until she was far, far away from Lanwin, Tobits, and "Matt". She walked past her bunk, through corridors she knew, up flights of stairs, through unfamiliar passages, dogged by her silent stalker. As long as she got air- real, fresh air, not the filtered air of the station- she could calm down. Warm air full of sand, cold air that stung her lungs, clean air, it didn't matter so long as it was organic. She reached a door to the exterior and punched the still-generic access code into its panel. Three long beeps told her that the code was wrong. She tried again, and still she had the wrong number. Frustrated, she punched the panel as her predator finally caught up to her.

"Go away," Rey said. "I want to be alone."

"I'm not going to let you go," he said.

" _Let_ me? It's the door stopping me, not you."

"Even if you knew the proper code, I wouldn't let you leave."

"Excuse me? What gives you the right-"

"It's dark and I doubt you know the native animals."

"So I'll get a blaster. I'm going outside."

"No you aren't. And do you even know how to use a blaster?"

"You pull the trigger," Rey snapped. Suddenly she was overcome with déjà vu. His father had asked her that question, and she had given him that same answer. It was harder to breathe now, standing so near to Han's legacy, the man so similar and so different to her childhood hero. She grabbed a screwdriver from the belt she had yet to turn in for the day and began removing the panel from the wall. She would hot-wire the stupid door.

"It's a little more complicated than- what do you think you're doing?! Put that back!"

"I am going outside," she repeated. "I can't guess the sequence, but I know how these things are wired." The metal plate of the control panel hit the floor and Rey plunged her fingers into the miasma of colored wires. _Unhook the second green from the left, watch for exposed copper_ -

And then her air was gone and she was on the other side of the corridor, having been shoved with the Force into cold, hard durasteel walls.

"What the hell?" she shouted.

"You're not going outside."

"Yes, I am. I have told you several times not to manhandle me, and I'm counting that. You do not get to make me do things against my will. I don't care how fancy your special powers are. If you're so concerned for me, get me a blaster. I need air. I'm going to murder something if I don't get fresh air."

"May I offer Lanwin as a sacrifice?" he said sarcastically. "Or would that cause you further distress?"

"Oh, come off it. When I say I want to murder someone, I don't mean it literally. I might be furious with him, but I'd never use the magic force to hurt a person."

A dark eyebrow shot up. "How did you know that's what was happening?"

"Because I've figured out what you are." She walked back to the exposed wires that controlled the doors. "Don't you dare manipulate me again." _Second green from the left, watch for exposed copper..._

"And what am I?" he challenged.

"Now it's you insulting my intelligence. I haven't got a death wish, so I'm not going to say it aloud."

"I see what you're doing. You're trying to make me think that you have some kind of information on me so you can screw with me."

"While that's an excellent idea, I'm afraid I _do_ know your secret. Like I said, I have no intention of putting it into play at any point. I genuinely wish I hadn't figured it out. And I've learned my lesson about screwing with you."

He faltered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Rey said, "that I didn't tell off Tobits earlier because I was trying to make you jealous. Even though _you_ might not see me, other people do. Then you were crazy and tried to _actually kill_ Lanwin, so I had to hit you and now I need air because this is what my life has become and I don't know how."

"I see you," he said quietly. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another and cast his eyes to the floor.

"No, you don't," Rey replied just as softly. "And I maybe that's okay. You can't help it. Your feelings. Just... when you find your girlfriend, don't manhandle her or tell her what to do or be weird about her friends. If she and I really are alike, I promise she'll resent you for it."

The door slid open and a gust of warm wind brushed Rey's face. She smiled and took a step outside, counting the stars in the inky and immeasurable sky. The grass was dry and crunchy under her feet, and she didn't dare go more than a few dozen meters from the light of the station's windows. She didn't want to know what was waiting in the bushes. She lay on her back, closing her eyes. She heard his footfalls heavy on the dead grass. Rey was irritated but not at all surprised when he situated himself next to her.

"Who do you think I am?" he asked, whispering.

"I know who you are. Saying it will make everything bad."

"You're bluffing." He chuckled. It was a deep sound, and pleasant enough to make Rey smile.

"If you say so."

=====

0600

She looked awful and made a mental note to ask Cariemer about makeup, especially the kind that covers up under-eye circles.

0630

"It has been brought to my attention," Lanwin said, coughing, "that I owe you the galaxy's biggest apology. Sorry, Mir."

"Sorry for what?" Rey asked, smirking.

"Oh, are you doing the thing where everything is forgiven and forgotten right away? You're a jewel."

"No," Rey said, "I'm doing the thing where you apologize for each of your infractions individually because a lame blanket apology isn't going to cut it. So, what are you sorry for?"

The apology took the entirety of the breakfast period. Cariemer and Roo kept finding new things to add to the list of infractions. Tobits decided that Lanwin should apologize in the formal language used in Futhorks. The sixth watched in amusement.

He was no longer "Matt" to her in any way. Her Matt would never have Force-pushed her into a wall, leaving bruises. Dorky Matt was socially inept, not a sociopath. At her table sat Kylo Ren in disguise. Maybe "Matt" was a part of him, just as Ben was, but so long as the mask existed, Rey couldn't see how the Light in him could dominate his personality. She had been a fool to think that compartmentalizing was a good idea- a _workable_ idea. Matt was Kylo was Ben, just as Mir was Rey. And Kylo loved Rey. Mir liked Matt, but Rey hated Kylo. Where did that leave her? In the middle of a bunch of emotions she had never been taught to handle. What was that phrase? "A love-hate relationship." _Is that what this is?_

"Cariemer!" Rey called after the lengthy apology was finished. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"So long as Lestty doesn't show up. Walk with me so I'm not the one who gets in trouble."

"What do you call it when you fancy someone but also hate them?"

"Please tell me you aren't falling for Lanwin," Cariemer said, pulling a face.

"What? Ew, no! It's... the person I told you about before."

"Well, do you know how he feels about you?"

"He loves me," Rey said, an edge of bitterness creeping into her voice. "Is that a love-hate relationship?"

"No. Those are when you go back and forth loving and hating each other. What you're talking about is just called 'complicated'. _Another_ guy who loves you, girly? You've got quite a list of admirers, and those are only the ones I know about."

"Three? No, just the one," Rey objected.

"This Ben guy, Matt, and Lanwin. Three."

"Lanwin is just a shameless flirt and Matt has a girlfriend."

Cariemer stopped in her tracks. "Matt has a girlfriend?" Rey nodded. " _Matt_? You're sure? Big glasses, bad dye job- _that_ Matt? How do you know?"

"He called me by her name when we were kissing. I apparently remind him of her," Rey admitted, flushing.

"So _that's_ how he fucked up. I had wondered but didn't want to pry... Honey, the list still stands at two if we toss out Matt. Lanwin has a thing for you. It's obvious."

"It is?" Rey furrowed her brow. "Well, tell him to stop."

"Not that easy though, is it? Otherwise you wouldn't like-hate Ben."

It would be easy, Rey told herself, if Kylo Ren were absent. She could _convince_ Lanwin that he wasn't interested in her with a few choice words, thoughts, and a gesture. It had only been a few days since she had cut herself off from the Force, but she felt as though a vital part of her was missing. "Matt" had to turn into Kylo Ren officially at some point. Her only chance at being able to use the Force, at formulating an escape, would be when he was off of the base changing his costume, as it were.  

"Ugh. It was so much easier to just hate him," Rey groused.

"I don't know," Cariemer said thoughtfully. "Hating someone takes a lot of energy."

Rey half-smiled. Master Luke had told her almost the exact same thing. He had also said things about hate leading to the Dark Side, and about how if her heart was full of hatred there would be no room for compassion. She had shot back that his nephew had _killed his own father_ , so how could she- and Master Luke- not hate him? But she remembered Han's face, Han's last gesture, and knew that Han had forgiven his son. He had called him Ben, told him he loved him, and even as he was dying he reached to touch his son's face one last time. Then he fell. Master Luke was of the opinion that since Han was the wronged party and he had given forgiveness, the rest of them should as well. Rey countered that Kylo Ren had wronged a lot of people by taking away someone they cared about and that Master Luke had no right to tell her to forgive the man who had slaughtered the first paternal figure she'd ever had. She still believed that; no one could tell her when to forgive Kylo Ren for taking Han from her. But she did think about hatred sometimes when she meditated. She would taste the thick paste of bread and hate the man who had shorted her portions. It was easier to forgive Unkar Plutt; he was disgusting, but everyone on Jakku was out for themselves. It was about survival.

"Okay, Mir, you do your thinking. I'm going to do my welding. See you later, okay?"

Rey nodded and wondered if this was what a sister was like.

1300

Lunch was a subdued affair.

An air of awkwardness surrounded the team, palpable and heavy. Rey shot furtive glances at Kylo and Lanwin in turns. _How does Lanwin make fancying me obvious? How did I not know?_ Roo, blissfully oblivious to the tension, tried to make conversation but was shut down by everyone save Tobits, who was an unabashed gossip at his core.

"I'm sure our blowtorch-loving comrade already knows this," Tobits said, "but I hear Kylo Ren ain't coming 'til next month. My buddy down on C said that's the only time a personal military ship is scheduled to dock." He looked to Cariemer for confirmation, but she only shrugged.

"He's not military," the man himself interjected. "Hux is military. Kylo Ren isn't."

Rey eyeballed him. If he wasn't with the military, why had he been on Jakku with all of the Stormtroopers, ordering the slaughter of an entire village? She snorted before she could stop herself.

"No, I think he's right, Mir," Lanwin said. "The rumors, you know, about what he does..." He shuddered, and Rey looked at him with curiosity. This was the second time he had brought up the speculations of torture. She wondered if she had encountered the mask, or if he knew someone who had.

"Regardless, if we keep our heads down and do our jobs properly, I don't think we'll have to worry," Cariemer said. "So he could come next month or tomorrow for all I care. I'm damn good at what I do and I want to get paid. I don't say or do idiotic things. I don't see the point of freaking out."

"Have you ever _seen_ him?"

"I doubt anyone on board has, Matt." Cariemer sighed.

"You'd be more afraid if you'd seen him."

"So you've met him, Matt?" Roo asked, eyes wide.

"You have, too-" Lanwin began, but Cariemer put her hand over his mouth. Frustrated, he pulled away. "Why does everyone assault or threaten me every time I bring that up?"

"Because that was a traumatic evening that we all want to forget," Rey said. "And we certainly don't want a repeat of its outcome."

Lanwin twisted his lips and rolled his jade-green eyes. Rey studied him briefly. She had thought before that he was pleasant to look at, but if Cariemer was right (and she usually was, Rey admitted to herself) about Lanwin's feelings, he wasn't as attractive somehow. She didn't understand it. He looked no different than he had only the day before when she had called him 'pretty'. He acted the same; he was still giving smiles easily, winking, and talking with his hands. With an undercurrent of the knowledge of his attraction for her, Rey found that his eyes were less sparkly.

"Wait- can someone fill me in here?" a very confused "Matt" asked.

"I'll tell you some time. Maybe," Rey said. She downed the last of her juice and went back to work.

1945

Rey was at the door she had disabled the night before, once more unscrewing the panel in order to manually override the control.

The door opened before the metal panel hit the floor.

"Did you use your Force to open the door?" Rey asked, not needing to see who was behind her.

"You could learn to do it, too," Kylo said.

"You're not going to be a brat about me going outside tonight?" she asked, ignoring his comment.

"Nothing will happen if I'm with you."

She laughed. "I'm tougher than you think." She walked into the night, drinking in the breeze.

"I'm not willing to take that chance."

Rey rounded on him. "Why not? I'm not anything to you."

"I don't want to argue with you, Mirerea," Kylo said, looking at her with purpose. "Can't we just talk?"

She shrugged. "About what?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

"I thought it would be soon," Rey whispered. If he heard, he didn't give indication.

"You should leave, too."

"Why?"

"Kylo Ren."

Rey scoffed and sat on the dying grass, back pressed against the base. "I'm not afraid of him."

"You should be," Kylo said. He sunk to his knees before her. "If you're here when he arrives, he'll have to take you to his Master."

"Why?" she asked quietly, meeting his eyes.

"Because of your Force-sensitivity. The Supr-"

She took the useless glasses from his face. "No, why are you telling me this?"

"Because I see you. I made a mistake, but I _do_ see you."

"What about your girlfriend?" Rey challenged.

"She's not my girlfriend. I told you that she hates me."

"That still doesn't change how you feel about her."

"Believe it or not, I can have feelings for more than one person."

"This isn't the time to get snarky," Rey said tartly.

"Yeah," Kylo agreed, sitting next to her. A satisfying _crunch_ told Rey that his ugly glasses were no more. "Oh, no, I don't have any extras..." he moaned.

"They're fake. Why would you have brought extra fake glasses on a one-week recon mission?"

"How did you-?"

"I told you. I know what you are."

"What do you think I am?"

The question echoed in her head from the night prior. Not a creature in a mask- not presently, anyway. Not a radar tech. Not Ben, for she had never known Ben to begin with. Not quite a friend. Not quite an enemy; she would reserve that term for when he called himself Kylo Ren. A puppet (but so was she). A lost child (but so was she). Someone searching for their place (but so was she).

"Maybe I'll tell you some day," she said softly.

"Tomorrow?" he asked.

"No."

"Then when?"

She shrugged. "Eventually. And I'll tell you when and how I figured it out."

"But I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Yet I know we'll see one another again."

"How?" he pressed.

"I just do."

Rey closed her eyes against the darkness, strangely relaxed. He was leaving tomorrow. She would be able to stow away on a ship after he left but before he returned as himself, Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer. He took her hand and drew lazy circles on her palm with his thumb. In spite of herself, she smiled. She could let herself have this moment, she supposed. She heard him sigh, then felt him pull her wrist to his lips. He pressed a kiss to her pulse before returning her hand to her lap.

"Come with me," he whispered.

Her eyes flew open and she scooted away from him. "Excuse me?"

"Not like _that_ ," he explained. "You're in danger. I don't want them to have you. I can't take you to Naboo, but I can get you to Alakatha."

"Alakatha?" Rey asked. She didn't know if she knew the name or if Mir knew the name and there wasn't time to figure it out because _Kylo Ren was offering to help her escape from Supreme Leader Snoke_ and she was pretty sure that would warrant a death sentence, which called into question the legitimacy of his offer because Kylo Ren had committed patricide for Snoke, so why would he help a girl he hardly knew? "Are you- are you being serious?"

He looked affronted. "Look, I know it isn't a Core World or anything, but it's on a major trade route, so booking transport shouldn't be hard. It's the best I can do."

"No, that's not what I meant," Rey said. "Are you being serious about everything you're saying? Me being in danger and you wanting to hide me from Snoke?"

"Absolutely." She schooled her expression and met his eyes. This man had a forked tongue and could lie with the worst of scum, but his soulful eyes were so expressive that they gave him away. They held fear, apprehension, and a myriad of things she didn't understand, all of them truthful.

"Are you staying on Alakatha?" she asked.

"No. I'll have to drop you, re-fuel, and go."

"I haven't got any money for a ride home."

"I'll secure your payment before we leave."

"Only for as much time as I've worked," Rey insisted.

His expression was queer as he reached a hand to touch her cheek. "You're so odd."

"You really have to work on your compliments," she snickered.

"I meant it in a good way! I just... don't..."

"I know." She scooted back over to him and, in what she felt was a brazen move, lay her head on his shoulder. His breath hitched.

"Can I- that is- would it be okay if-"

"Just say it. I know now that your word vomit isn't always meant as callously as it sounds."

"Can I kiss you?"

Rey blinked in surprise. "Oh. Er, on one condition. Don't talk. Don't say names or anything else. Got it?"

"Not even _your_ name?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

It was different this time, now that she knew what to expect. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she sighed against his slow-moving lips. Their noses touched and she had a moment of self-doubt; was anything supposed to touch besides their mouths? His hand, large and warm, cradled her head, and she let the thought flit away into the breeze. A strange, weak noise broke forth from her throat when he ran his tongue along her lips. She opened her mouth the tiniest bit and made a split-second decision.

When she was Rey and he was Kylo, she never let him be in control. Even when she had been using a light saber for the first time and had no idea what to do, she put up a damn good fight. Why submit now, here, in this? Was it any more intimate than becoming completely vulnerable as she sought the aid of the Force for the first time?

She pushed into his welcoming mouth and ran her tongue over his teeth. He grunted and fisted his hand in her hair, making her wince. After a mumbled _sorry_ , the battle began. It was heated and brash, and when Rey bit Kylo's bottom lip hard enough to taste blood, he only groaned and sucked, pushed, pulled harder, more fervently. Rey's fingers found their way to his hair, made coarse by its dye. She imagined how much softer it must feel in its natural state and wondered if her own hair felt so dry.

When, at last, they broke apart with a sticky sound, Rey noticed that the stars had moved significantly. "It's late," she said, licking her swollen lips. "When are we leaving tomorrow?"

"0500," he replied.

"Oh," she said sadly. "I'd have liked to say goodbye to everyone."

"You could write them letters," Kylo suggested.

Rey nodded. "That's a good idea."

"I have them from time to time."

"And I'll have my credits by the time we land?"

"Yes."

"Then we should probably get some sleep." She walked to her bunk, leaving him alone on the surface of the planet.

=====

0430

She had only written one letter.

After the war, R'iia willing, she would meet her friends again and see them without the barrier of colored lenses.

0530

"You must be a big deal," Rey said, taking in the size of Kylo's ship.

"I suppose," he replied, lips quirking at the corners.

She longed to jump into the pilot's seat, to press every button, to tear the ship apart and put it back together, but she hid her enthusiasm and kept her composure. She was still Mirerea, and Mirerea didn't know the first thing about ships.

"My credits?"

"Transferred at midnight." Kylo took his seat and began throwing switches.

Soon, Starkiller Mark II was behind them.

"Thank you," Rey said earnestly. "For everything."

He cocked his head and furrowed his dark brows. "You're welcome."

"I mean it. Not many people would spirit away some girl they've known for a week."

"You're not _some girl_ ," Kylo scoffed, looking away.  

"What, because I might be able to move things with my mind if I had training?" She carefully avoided the word 'teacher'.

"No." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm about to make the jump into hyperspace. You might get nauseous if you aren't used to it."

0715

The ramp descended onto Alakatha's port. Rey hesitated.

"Seriously, thanks."

Kylo nodded and ran his fingers through her hair. "I'll miss you."

"Maybe-" she began, breath hitching, "Maybe I'll see you after the war."

"Don't give me false hope." He shook his head. "Will you tell me who you think I am now?"

"Later," Rey said, smiling.

"If you say so. You going straight back to Naboo?"

"Yeah," she replied. This was true. As a final measure of subterfuge, she would travel to Dee'ja Peak, send a message to General Organa, and stay as long as the Resistance thought it prudent. "I don't suppose you can tell me where you're going?"

"No."

"Until after the war, then," Rey said, raising an eyebrow.

Kylo sighed. "Until after the war."

=====

Kylo Ren's thoughts periodically strayed to the two Force-sensitive women he had met, so similar and yet so different. Rey, feisty and as easy to tame as fire, and Mir, kind and malleable as water on Tatooine. The Supreme Leader was only aware of the former, and so Kylo searched for her.

After yet another dead end left him frustrated and dizzy, he tried to collect his thoughts. Always the first was a question, burning like a saber on naked flesh: Did he really _want_ to catch her? He did and didn't in equal measures, for a myriad of reasons on both sides. He collapsed into the pilot's seat of his ship, unmasking himself. He sat his mask in the co-pilot's seat. That's when it caught his eye- a small piece of paper poking out of the seam where seat met back. With measured curiosity, he pulled the paper from the chair. It was a letter, written in the Futhork of old Naboo tales.

_By now, I'm where I think I belong and you're where you think you belong._

_At least I hope I am. I'll be really mad if you didn't transfer those credits and I'm stuck on Alakatha._

_It's about 0100. I can't sleep. You told me to write letters to the others, but I couldn't find words. Though I hate it, I feel indebted to you. I hate owing people. I told you "later" a lot, and since I plan on hiding this (and I don't know if you even know Futhork, so you may have to translate it), so I guess it's later now. You smuggled me out, so I think I can give you some answers. I'm going to keep some of my secrets, but I'll tell you a few things._

_You wanted to know how I knew you were in disguise. Cariemer pointed out your hair's unusual color. Even if she hadn't, it was glaringly obvious that you were trying to hide your true self. You never gave a surname. Your glasses had plastic lenses. Your eyebrows were black. Weird neon blond hair with black eyebrows and stubble? Always dye your eyebrows._

_You accused me of putting on a ruse. I was, but not in the way you think._

_You also accused me of being Resistance. I'm not; not really. I did know some of the people on the base who were Resistance. That's why you saw my face in their minds._

_I told you that I'd explain about the Roo/Kylo Ren thing that we always smacked Lanwin about. Roo worked on the original Starkiller. I assume that's where you met her. I don't know if you actually had sex with her or used a Force trick to make her think you had. One night during Truth or Dare, her answer was that she had slept with Kylo Ren & that it was "awesome". She repeated herself like a broken holo. It was creepy. No one wanted to remind her of you in case she got that way again, but Lanwin is an idiot. Also, couldn't you have picked a better adjective?_

_Yes, I know you're Kylo Ren. I've known since your second day on the base. Don't worry; I won't tell anyone that you were Matt. Like I said, I don't have a death wish._

_I meant it when I said I'm sure we'll meet again. I truly hope it's on friendly terms._

=====

"So two weeks on Alakatha and nine weeks on Naboo?" Poe asked.

"That's right," Rey said. "It's quite lovely. The prettiest place I've ever been. Naboo, I mean."

"I'll be glad when your hair is back to normal. No offense." He tugged on a lock of her hair, the auburn roots of which were growing out.

"None taken. I'm just glad I don't have to mess with it every morning anymore."

"Well, you know how much your hair's sacrifice helped us, right?"

"The General said some very kind things."

"You saved a lot of lives, Rey. Because of you we have blueprints, schematics, and, best of all, a bunch of not-dead people."

"What was it like?" Finn asked. "Building it, I mean."

"I was only _building_ it for about a week," Rey corrected. "The rest was me breaking it. But it wasn't bad."

"Not bad? How could building- sorry- being on the new Starkiller be not bad?"

"The people were nice- the other techies, I mean. My supervisor was funny. And when I did things that could get First Order people in trouble, well... I actually felt sorry for them."

"You felt sorry for them?"

"Well, yes," Rey explained. "They reminded me of you. Maybe they just hadn't found a pilot of their own yet." She smiled at Poe.

"Anything good happen? Fun times with the First Order?" Poe asked.

"Yeah, actually. My team played Truth or Dare almost every night. The security cams weren't set up yet, you see." She could feel her skin reddening as she remembered a fun time with an actual member of the First Order.

"She's gone red, Poe," Finn said.

"You know what that means, Finn?" Poe asked. Finn shook his head. Poe sighed, as if the answer had been obvious. "Rey, Truth or Dare?"

"Damn it, Poe," Rey grumbled. He was going to ask her why she was blushing. She could feel his intentions without trying. "Dare." _Ha._

"I dare you to tell us why you're so flustered."

Rey narrowed her hazel eyes mutinously. Maybe she could draw from her mess hall experiences and make this horrifying for them...

"Fair warning," she said, relaxing, "you can't un-hear this." The boys looked at her with hungry anticipation. "I suppose the best part of my time on Starkiller was making out with Kylo Ren."

"Liar," Poe said, smiling.

"I'm not lying. I made out with Kylo Ren."

Finn's jaw dropped; Poe looked like a man with hearing problems. "You... kissed Kylo Ren? On purpose?"

"Yup."

"Hold up," Finn said. "Swear it. Swear it or I won't believe it."

"I swear, Finn. I kissed Kylo Ren. More than once."

Rey sighed, smiled, and shook her head. Their reactions were glorious. Biting her lip, she turned her face to the night sky and started to count the stars. Right now the Resistance was making plans, and undoubtedly the First Order was as well. In the morning she would resume training with Master Luke. People were fighting and dying all over the galaxy. People were loving and hating, working and sleeping, dancing and sitting, and here, at the nexus, was Rey, a young woman with strange feelings for the wrong man. The universe was so vast and infinitely small at the same time.   

_I made out with Kylo Ren_ , she thought, _and it was awesome_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cake and the J-1 for putting up with me the last 2 months. Late-night phone calls with me whining and them offering suggestions were commonplace.
> 
> All of the names of OCs came from fantasynamegenerators.com They have basically every fandom/culture/game for you to roll.
> 
> Thanks also to Wookieepedia. I'm woefully ignorant of the EU stuff and had to check them out frequently.
> 
> ALWAYS DYE YOUR EYEBROWS, KIDS. As a theater person, nothing bugs me more than a blonde with black eyebrows. It's almost a trade secret; you can tell who's a natural blonde (or who's committed to the look) by their eyebrows.
> 
> Every bit of feedback is worth over 9000 portions (sorry not sorry for that reference).


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